Welcome Aboard

This blog was created to share my experience with eating disorders and to provide education and resources based on my personal research.

I welcome you and gently remind you that while I have a Bachelor of Arts in psychology, I am not a psychologist, nor do I claim to be. One of my goals with this blog is to give you, the readers, a look into my life as I struggle to overcome an eating disorder. I also hope to provide you with education about these life-threatening disorders, again based on my experience and research.

I'm the first to admit that I haven't pursued a master's or doctorate's in psychology to date, but having lived with anorexia and bulimia for more than 16 years, I am extremely knowledgeable on these disorders and nutrition, mental illness, etc. Many times a mental illness coexists with another and in my case I battle depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder and rapid-cycling bipolar disorder. It's no surprise to me, however, given the trauma I have put myself through with the eating disorders. Some say OCD, depression, and bipolar can lead to eating disorders, but the reverse is also true.

For me, I'm not 100 percent sure which disorder truly developed first. Looking back, I can see a continuous pattern of disordered eating even in my grade school years. I can also see a pattern of OCD. The depression and bipolar didn't seem to hit until my senior year in high school or perhaps a year earlier. I was always a happy person described as a "clown" and told I should be an actress because of my ability to personify many different characters. I changed dramatically once I hit my final year in high school and went off to college.

I'm still a funny, happy person, but most often only on the outside. Deep down, I struggle with feeling hopeless and unworthy, stupid and selfish. I try to stay focused on the here-and-now, the moment, and just get through each second the best I can. Then people ask a million questions about who I'm dating, whether or not I have children, what career path I have taken, etc. It can be quite overwhelming. Bottom line is that I am where I am and I must make the best of it.

So I open myself up to you here with the a desire to debunk the myths surrounding eating disorders. From what I've heard, many people think these illnesses are an attempt to gain attention, to look like a supermodel, or simply to be thin. While those are certainly reasons why some struggle, they are not the reasons I struggle. They are not what caused my disorders nor do they perpetuate my illnesses. I struggle because I struggle. I don't have a clear idea why, but I'm aware of the possible causes and continuing triggers. Each person with an eating disorder is different. I speak, again, only from my experience.

I invite you to continue the journey with me via this blog and my hope is that you will be moved to help someone you know, to share your interpretations with others, to join forces with the Eating Disorders Coalition or National Eating Disorders Association in support of better insurance coverage for eating disorders and other mental illnesses.

Even if you walk away with nothing at all, I thank you for reading.