No More Silence ... It's Time to Talk

February is National Eating Disorders Awareness Month and it's time to talk about it.

Many people may think eating disorders are a phase — an attempt to look like a supermodel that quickly fades away. For some, this may in fact be true. But for most, eating disorders are life-threatening illnesses battled for a number of years and a number of reasons that may not be so clear.

The National Eating Disorders Association reports that in the U.S., as many as 10 million females and one million men are fighting a life and death battle with an eating disorder. You may also be surprised to know that in our country, eating disorders are more common than Alzheimer's disease which affects approximately four million Americans.

So when will light truly be shed on these disorders that have the highest premature mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder, yet get an average of only $1.20 in research dollars per affected individual?

I was hesitant to write this, but anyone who knows me knows this is a subject I am very passionate about. I think eating disorders are so often viewed in such a negative way that the people who struggle may feel ashamed to talk about it or to get help.

When individuals have an upset stomach, chest pains, headaches, etc. they typically go to the doctor who then may prescribe a medication or a course of treatment. For those with diabetes, daily insulin shots may have to be given and a diet may need to be implemented. And for these individuals there is a wealth of information and support available. There are events and product sales all over the country to raise awareness about cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and more.
Yet, your next door neighbor may be fighting for his or her life and may be completely alone. His or her doctor may be undereducated about eating disorders and the only treatment available is more than an hour away in Cincinnati. This is a real issue. This is a serious issue. This is an issue that must be talked about.

And I'm going to be one to talk (I can hear my coworkers snickering now because they know I'm definitely good at talking). I'm proudly wearing purple, as usual, to help raise awareness and I'd ask for you to do the same.

No, I don't mean you should deck yourself out from head-to-toe and wear a big NEDAW sign on your chest (even though I'm certain that would grab someone's attention). Rather, just toss on that purple shirt that's hanging in your closet or cut a piece of purple ribbon and pin it on your lapel. If you like butterflies, wear a butterfly pin to signify transformation and recovery. It's not about what you do; it's that you do something.

Too many people live in silence because they feel ashamed to be struggling with an eating disorder. Too many are embarrassed because they are overweight and too many can't see when they've gone beyond the realm of being thin. As humans, we are all different. We battle a range of issues and illnesses all unique to our particular life and self. But there is far more to eating disorders than a number on the scale.

If you are a local health professional, I beg you — if you haven't done so already — to venture into the darkness and learn about eating disorders. This will help those here in Highland and the surrounding counties not have to travel to Cincinnati or Dayton in a desperate search to find someone who understands and can help. It will also help shed that light on the growing epidemic of eating disorders from which our rural community is not exempt.

If you are a parent, I encourage you to become aware of eating disorders and to join myself and others in talking about these real illnesses.

And if you have an eating disorder, I promise you are not alone and that there is a path to recovery. Stand tall and fight back.

For everyone else ... It's simply time to talk about it.

On My Way

A lot has been happening in my life lately and my time has been limited. For the sake of my personal issues, that is both good and bad.

I am, if everything pans out asap, starting graduate school Friday. My stress level has already gone up and the question marks have started popping up in my mind as usual. Some mornings I think, "What am I doing? Can I handle this?" Other mornings I'm more excited than words can express.

I'm finding that the stress is actually a positive thing as my reaction to it is showing me areas I need to improve. I don't handle stress well and some pessimistic switch turns on that causes me to rant about how horrible or unfair life is. Or, I cry. Regardless of my reaction, I'm still alive. Therefore, I'm working on taking deep breaths and realizing that I can in fact do this. If I can't, it's only because of me.

On the flip side, as I prepare to enter this graduate program leading to a Master of Education in Counseling and Human Development with a concentration in mental health, I have become more aware of how much I need recovery in my own life. Once I learned this program would be a possibility, my thoughts and actions began shifting and not because I forced them to shift. I know that in order to be the best counselor I can be, I have to take care of me first. I have to get my own issues in order and take ED by the proverbial horns. I don't, however, have to achieve a quick and perfect recovery.

Slowly, I'm integrating new behaviors surrounding food. I've challenged myself a lot over the past few years, but now is the time to attempt a new challenge daily. For those without an ED, eating may not be such a huge dilemma. After all, it's simple, right? Get up, shower, eat breakfast ... Go to work. Take and eat lunch. Work ... Go home. Fix dinner. Eat and engage in family time or other activities. Sleep. Rinse and repeat ...

For me, it's more like this: Drag myself out of bed and into the shower after debating the previous night and first thing in the morning about what in the world to wear to work. Do my makeup, hair, etc. Start my car and try to throw together a quick peanut butter sandwich to take for lunch. No time for breakfast. Work. Sit at my desk for lunch with a peanut butter sandwich and maybe an apple. Eat it slowly until an hour or more has passed. Go smoke. Purge. Back to my desk. Work. Go home. Debate for an hour over whether to eat dinner and/or what to fix meanwhile snacking on Cheez-Its or tortilla chips. Eat. Purge. Eat again. Purge. Smoke. More tortilla chips. TV. Telephone. Snack again. Go to bed. Sleep. The whole day secretively spent thinking about food, weight, hunger, etc. while being completely and utterly aware of my body.

Did you get exhausted just reading that? Imagine living it. Yes, it's that crazy. That's just a summary of my day with food or the lack thereof. I battle nearly every minute with my mind and the thoughts that enter therein. But I've learned that our actions can be, and often are, a result of our thinking. We may miss so much of what life has to offer because we stay in our heads too much. It's one of the areas I need to tackle. Not all at once. Rather, one thought at a time. When I get up and ED starts in with "You don't have time for breakfast." That's when I need to step in and fix some oatmeal or an egg. After a week or two, ED's morning voice will be silenced and I can move on to tackle his "lunchtime voice." Little by little one gets far.

Perhaps what I'm getting at here is that I'm on my way to achieving a dream I only, well ... dreamed. I never thought it possible for me to actually become a graduate student, let alone a potential Licensed Professional Counselor who will some day help others with EDs and related issues. I'm shifting my focus more to getting healthy so I can be the best LPC possible.

I'm on my way to living a life I never imagined possible and AH, it feels so good.

Where There's a Will ...

there's a way.

We've heard over and over again that when we want something badly enough, we can get it, do it, achieve it, receive it, or be it.

After much debate inside this head of mine, I've come to believe this is actually very true. If you're anything like me, there are always excuses made for why you haven't or didn't get, do, achieve, receive or become what you truly desire. My list of excuses is longer than any news article I've written in recent weeks. In fact, I've spent much of my adult life making excuses, blaming circumstances or being mad at life and those who have achieved what I want to achieve.

For me, most of the anger has been jealousy-based and I've often said I hate this person or that person or am annoyed by him or her before I even know their personal story. I assume that everyone who is where I want to be was born into riches, was dealt better cards, or has some amazing connection that helped boost them to the top. Hmmm, isn't the common phrase "rags to riches?" If we watch the Biography Channel or stop on E!'s True Hollywood Story, don't we often hear about big names from small towns and those who rose from the ashes after being abused, addicted to drugs, overtaken by an eating disorder, etc.?

Our stories, no matter where they begin or who they involve, are still OUR stories. This means we are the authors.

I look back on my life, as recently as a few moments ago, and think I should have done things differently, I could have done things differently. I lament, wallow, cry, yell, hate, ignore, all because I'm actually unhappy with ME and with the way I'VE handled MY life. I'm not content with how I've authored my story. But I realized just this week that I truly am the captain of my ship. I have to be the one to take action in order to see change. I can talk about what I want to do, where I want to go and I can make excuses, second guess my decisions (before I even make them), and cry myself to sleep wishing it were different. Yet, I know that none of that is what matters. What matters is that I take the reigns and make things happen.

Let's be honest, true change and true success doesn't happen overnight. It may not even happen over a couple nights, weeks, months or years. However, small changes add up and small actions lead to bigger ones. Eventually we can reach the point where we're laughing at ourselves for ever having doubted when all along we were indeed capable.

Have you heard the song that says, "I'm no superman?" I don't remember the lyrics beyond that, but I agree that I, too, am no superman or superwoman. Oh how much easier things would be if in fact I had such power. Bottom line is that I'm me and I must quit pretending that I have to do it all right now, snap my fingers and be all that I can be. Think about that for a moment ... If we could snap our fingers and be or do anything right now, what would be the point of the rest of our lives? I think it would actually take the whole meaning out of the word "life." Life begins at a certain place and ends at a certain place. What we experience in between those two places defines our life. Those experiences make up our stories and let me remind you, and myself, that no two things are alike.

When I was 11 or 12 years old, this illness entered my life and I was clueless that at the age of 27 I would be fighting daily just to keep breathing. I had no idea that one action would lead to years of physical, emotional and spiritual pain. And it, also know as an eating disorder (or two), combined with my other experiences have made a recipe for disaster. I sit back and watch it all happen as if I'm not in control. I let the ED do what he's gotta do and continually tell myself I'm powerless (enter excuses). I let him win. I let him keep me in my place while turning around to say how much I hate life because I "can't" do what people without an ED can do. The fact is I can do things despite my ED. He is just an excuse that I willingly let get in the way and keep me from achieving my goals.

One of the most common things I visualize is my life the way it will be when I reach a healthy weight, but I fail to do the work to get me to that weight. Same goes for most areas of my life. I find that I gripe a lot about how things aren't that I forget how things are. Or I complain continuously about how I can't do things because I'm broke. I am broke, it's not a lie, but it shouldn't be an excuse. If I want to finish my book, the one I've started writing over and over again, but have never fully devoted myself to because of this or that (excuses), then I have to sit down and write ... that's it and that's free ... wow, who would have thought something in this life would actually be FREE? And if I want to change lives, where is it written that can only be done with a check and a pen?

There really is a way to get, do, achieve, receive, and be that which we want badly enough ... we must take our will and begin to make strides toward having it become a reality without having a list of excuses, without blaming or hating, and without defeating ourselves before we've even made an effort.

And don't be afraid to step out of your zone or to trust yourself because, again, this is your story and you are the author ...